Season 1, Episode 10: "The Unstoppable Chambermaid"

Continuing on with this Terminator 6.0 plotline, we left off with Roberta about to tear the Black Lagoon crew twelve new assholes: one each for the "kidnapping" of Garcia, one each for holding a gun to her, and another one each because they don't call her a "Bloodhound" for the sake of irony.


Roberta is holding on. The mercenaries (and Garcia) might as well lay down with the gravel if they can't push Roberta off. Garcia begs Dutch not to shoot Roberta, and he might have listened, had Terminator 6.0 not been like a mother bear on their asses.

They hit a dead end that leads straight into the ocean, and even Roberta seems to realize this because she closes her eyes and thinks of happy things--life back in the Lovelace garden, where the crows scream for someone to go to pound town with and where summer never seems to end. Yes, even machine-like psychopaths have peaceful thoughts.

Benny turns the car around just in time, but only after he launches the car into a blockade of crates. So was what we just saw Roberta's happy thoughts, or a near-death experience?

Everyone is alive, including Roberta. Though it shouldn't be much of a surprise, even after being body-slammed into the crate wall.

Revy finally wakes up, and instead of being weak and groggy, she gives her usual Shakespearean-esque speech, and then leaps out to kill Roberta. Rock tries to warn her of Roberta's invincibility, but Revy doesn't listen. They go head-to-head old west-style, and Revy pulls a Marty McFly when Roberta calls her a coward.

Nobody calls me chicken!"

They throw some bullets, run around like 90s video game characters through the empty dock (leaving Rock and the gang to wait patiently back in the car).

And wouldn't you know? Roberta "managed to put a bullet in The Great Revy."

Revy puts a hole in Roberta's gun, so now they only have access to one gun each. So long, "Two-Hands." A feather from a seagull drops in front of Revy's feet, and we're launched into a flashback of when Revy shot and killed a man, surrounded by seagull feathers. And then it hits Revy--Roberta is just like her. She can never go home, now.

Meanwhile, back at the car, Dutch and Benny discuss how they're going to escape. They hear the gun fire getting louder, so they insist on staying in. Garcia shouts some motivation to Roberta, though it does nothing when both killers are of about equal in match:

Balalaika shows up with her army and tells the ladies to drop their guns. Rock looks closely at them men. Who are those guys? And why do they look like they're military men?

Balalaika explains that she was going to take out the Colombian cartel herself, but since Roberta and Revy did it already, they are free to go. But they each want to prove that they are the roughest, toughest quick shot in this old west, so they hold their guns tightly. Balalaika orders them to drop their weapons, and when they don't, the men literally shoot them out of their hands. (Nice aim, by the way.) Even Garcia tells them to stop, and begs Roberta to come home.

So, Revy and Roberta killed all the cartel men, except, for one guy...

WHAT?! HOW THE HELL DID HE SURVIVE A BLAST LIKE THAT?! He looks like he got into a bar squabble, not escaped a bomb blast! Who's the invincible one now?!

Balalaika reveals the ugly truth about Roberta to Garcia. She is not who he thinks she is. She is Rosarita Cisneros, the Bloodhound of Florencia, an assassin trained in Cuba and a former FARC guerrilla, wanted all over the world for kidnappings and murders. Oh, and she's also a suspect in the bombing of the U.S. Embassy.

Anything else? Is she also a former member of Al Qaeda? A spy for ISIS?

Sarcasm aside, Roberta--or should I say Rosarita--is a hardcore terrorist whose crimes would certainly guarantee the electric chair. But because she was fighting for a revolution that ended up making her into a guard dog for the Mafia, she left and went to the only person who would accept her--Diego Lovelace, her dead father's friend.

But Garcia doesn't see Roberta as this gun-wielding terrorist; he sees her as his Roberta, the woman who loved and took care of him, and he just wants her to come home.

Revy scoffs at all the sentimental bullshit. Is it so hard to show empathy for the poor kid, even a little? I had thought Roberta wasn't human, but Revy? No one's life is that shitty that they no longer feel even an iota of pain. We saw that Revy can be human when Rock broke her down a few episodes back--why does Revy always try to put up a wall to everyone? We already know she's not as tough as she constantly claims to be.

Revy is just disgusted because she knows that even criminals have standards, so she challenges Roberta to an old-fashioned fist-fight in retaliation for being shot.

Roberta agrees, and to start off, she taunts Revy by saying her shoe's untied. Everyone knows that's the oldest trick in the book, so it comes as a surprise that Roberta would say that if it's not true, so Revy looks down just to be sure, and gets sucker-punched. Ahahaha!

Joke's on Revy--her shoes are always untied!

This is really pathetic. A couple of punches should have sufficed, but these two go at it like schoolchildren. I'mma punch you in the face! What I don't get is how they lasted for what seems like hours. You would think one of them would go down after a minute or so. Several cigars later, Roberta and Revy take the final punch at each other, and they're down.

And for the second time this arc, Revy is out cold. It's clearly safe to say there's at least one other person tougher than Revy.

I guess this story needed a little padding, because this punch parade goes on for a solid two minutes. That's the easiest way to fill up 22 minutes of a show that is 33% "I'm a tough bitch so don't get in my way," 33% talkie-talkie-planning-planning, and 34% bam bam boom-- just add more bam.

Garcia helps Roberta to her feet (barely, though--he can only do so much at 4 feet 3). As Garcia helps Roberta to the car, Roberta asks Garcia to fetch her glasses that have fallen earlier, as they help her become what Garcia has always known. His Roberta. D'aww.

So, who are those military men? The Russian Mafia are actually ex-military men all serving under Balalaika from the Afghan War. They have unbelievable skill. Balalaika was the brains of their operation and it's suggested they left the military when Balalaika got singed. Hmm, indeed, Rock.



OVERALL:

Story - Still a bit Terminator, but with a unique twist, "Roberta" is a hell of a camouflage for the ruthless, brutal Rosarita Cisneros. It would have been nice for this information to be leaked out slowly, instead of thrown up in exposition, because who really does that?

3 / 5 

Character Development - Now that we know Roberta's backstory, it's easy to understand why she and Garcia share such a bond. A terrorist, a revolutionist, a murderer of women, children, and men of all walks of life. I don't think she ever wanted to mercilessly kill like Revy does; she thought she was doing the right thing until it was too late. So now she practically devotes her life to this small, verbose child. Doesn't he ever just want to play soccer or a video game?

5 / 5

Badassery - Garcia. He's willing to step right in the middle of what Benny calls "The three most terrifying women in the world" to defend Roberta upside down and inside out. That's love, baby. A bit too much...

4.5 / 5



Best Insult: (Revy, to Roberta): "I'm no shrink, but you must've had one fucked-up childhood."

Out-of-context: "I'm not even gonna warn you before I give you a second asshole."
                           "This feels way too much like ground zero."